Texts from Last Night: The BoneZone Version

Text message conversation my sister and I had this morning:

Valerie: Thoughts on Eli Roth?
Marie: Soooooo in my bonezone. I'm like obsessed with him.
Marie: He's actually the only reason I watched Inglorious Basterds to begin with.
Valerie: Hahahaha seriously!! HOT
Marie: He totally cyber sexed a bunch of his fans last year. Not even joking. Haha. That's when I knew I loved him.
Valerie: Me too!! Haha.

I've said it a million times

There's nothing better than hot couples. They make my goddamn day.
BONEZONE, fo sho.

Oh Malcolm Holland...

Wanna be my sensitive, animal-activist boyfriend? I really like the way you're so serious about saving whales.
Also, pirate dude you're kicking it with up there is pretty hot. Threesome?

"Penis Bone" Zone

If on our second date you give me a copper-wire wrapped fox baculum pendant that you made....BONEZONE.

February Molest Request: Anthony Bourdain

Oh Tony.....

(p.s. Nom Nom Nom@Josh Homme in the background)

I've loved you since A Cook's Tour. I've read three of your books. I know you've gone through your mid-life crisis and got remarried and had a baby and stopped smoking, but I still think you're pretty much a badass.

I was a vegetarian for 5 years, that makes you wanna punish me right? Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.

i live in the platonic palace

It does not excite me.
However, this does..

He sure can hit that high note.

Dork Glasses

File Under: Things that will land you in my immediate BONEZONE. Seriously. They're like +20 hot points.

 

(Sidenote: Sooooo need to file a molest request for Justin Theroux)

1st Request of the New Year

JDM
(Jeffrey Dean Morgan)
RDJ lite if you will

Marie's Super Sweet January Molest Request

Jonathan Meiberg was basically made for me to love him. Or at least try to get into his Bonezone. He used to be in Okkervil River (♥♥♥) and now he's got his own band, Shearwater.
He looks like this:

He sounds like this:

SIGH

And he's a MOTHER-EFFING ORNITHOLOGIST. Seriously. That's an interview with him in Scientific American. SWWWOOOOOONNNN. IT'S SCIENCE.

Also the new Shearwater album is the most amazing thing I've heard in months. GO GET IT. uh...when it comes out....I didn't download a leak, I swear.....

Zachary Quinto!

I'm pretty sure you're gay....

but damn girl, you in my bonezone fo sho.

Let's do some Science!

Hey there Kari Byron from Mythbusters. What say you and I go back to my place and bust some myths together. Then maybe you can let me play with your sweet Wolverine claws.

MGMT - Time To Pretend

Hey shirtless MGMT guy, let's makeout.....

Scarlett Johannson's Black Widow Outfit

BONE ZONE! (In response to Marie's RDJ [aka Iron Man] post)

Robert Downey Jr's Suit

BONEZONE!

December Molest Request de Raeven

Still Hot

Why hello there, Jason Schwartzman....

Just started watching this show and it is awesome. But seriously, when did Jason Schwartzman get so distractingly hot?

Valerie's Molest Request for December

James motherfucking Franco!





Yeah... I'd smell that.

Chris' Bone Zone Request

So Marie said that my Bone Zone request for December couldn't be some random missed connection person I see on my ride home from work. She said it has to be somebody famous and unattainable. This rules a lot of celebrities out, because my combination of retarded jokes and too much alcohol can woo even the hottest of celebutantes. Believe it?

But, Marie said that fictional characters were okay. So this December, let me make my feelings known:

Kitty Pryde (aka Shadowcat) if you weren't a fictional comic book character you'd totally be in my Bone Zone.

Not only is she fictional, but in the comics she's stuck in a giant space bullet hurtling through the interstellar void after she used to intangibility powers to keep it from destroying earth. I swear I could not make up this shit if I tried.

Time to put in my molest request for December!

And since it's the last month of the year, this is basically my overriding molest request for 2009.

So what's up, Alexander Skarsgard?

Here's the deal. You don't have to make plans or call beforehand. Just show up. Whenever. You don't even have to get in touch afterward. Y/y?

BONE ZONE SAMMICH

Paul Rudd = In my top 5 forever, for sure. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE.
Jason Segel = Strangely fucking sexy.

Artist on Artist with Paul Rudd and Jason Segel

Artist on Artist | MySpace Video
Also:

Artist on Artist with Quentin Tarantino and Eli Roth

Artist on Artist | MySpace Video
Eli Roth = SOOOOO in my bone zone. Sheeeeesh.